What I have Learned

I think that my idea of family stress and coping has changed a great deal since the beginning of class. I guess I always assumed that it was bad to include families in stress. However, I learned that it is healthy to include families within the coping part. I think this is a wonderful thing because the while family is going through the same trial, so they can sympathize with one another and try to understand what each person is going through. They can depend and rely on each other to get through the trials. Some of the ideas that I decided to leave behind as a result of this class, is that you are not in control of your emotions. However that is not the case. According to the Cognitive Behavior Theory, if you can change the way you think, you can change the way you feel. If I allow myself to think positively, I can be happier and portray happiness. If I am happy, those around me can also be a lot happier as well.

I believe that the Great Plan of Happiness can be and must be present in families because in an eternal perspective, families are eternal and they are designed to make one another happy. The Great Plan of Happiness incorporates families that care about one another, and strive to work together in Harmony to have the spirit in the home and have eternal life. I am grateful for temple marriages that make that possible. I am so excited that I can be with my family for eternity. To me, that is the Great Plan of Happiness. It makes me so excited that I am able to work with them to make hard things possible. I believe with an eternal perspective, it allows my family to work hard to get through hard things. If we are able to get through those hard times together, we can ultimately be happier because our relationship are stronger. 

"Money, Money, Money, Must be Funny, In a Rich Man's World"

I am grateful for my parent's example they have set for me about finances and budgeting. Because of them, I have been able to get through school without debt and without any student loans. I feel that it is an important lesson to learn from parents. However, I do believe that if parents are going to teach finances, they need to live that lifestyle as well. One thing I will always appreciate about my family is that always taught us the value of money. They taught us important principles and self-control, which I believe is one of the greatest lessons to be taught for budgeting. One of the best ways they taught us was by able to visually see where our money was going, which helped me have a lot of self-control. They did this by teaching us to pay for things in cash because that visual is a way to restrain us from over spending. It helped me at least. I take each paycheck and divide it into different sections of things I need to do. 50% in the bank for savings, 40% for different expenses such as rent, gas, groceries and fun. Then the remaining 10% goes to tithing towards my church. By doing this I am able to stick to that and not go outside the bounds I set for myself. I feel like this criteria I set up for myself taught me that I need to be strict and have self-control in order to have good spending habits.

Parents

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it states that "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness. to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." I strongly believe this statement applies to ALL families. Children deserve to be raised in a home with good principles and standards. First of all, I believe that teaching them certain skills can benefit them.
I can remember when I was growing up in my parents home, my parents always taught us to be self sufficient so that when we grow up, we are able to take care of ourselves.  I believe that by doing his they were able to raise us in the best way possible. They did it with love and the goal was to allow us to be law abiding citizens where ever we go. I think that parents have the biggest influence on their children. I hope that when I am a parent, I am able to raise my child with the best interest at heart and following the principles outlined by the Proclamation.

The Family Under Stress.

I believe that in order for a family to strive, it starts with the parents. I believe that if they are strong and have a good foundation, their relationship will be able to flourish a lot more. Without that strong relationship, pride gets in the way making it very difficult for the families to work together as a unit of one heart and one mind. I believe when pride gets in the way, forgiveness is hard to give. 

I think that one of the main issues with forgiveness is being able to humble your self and let go of pride, and just focus on what needs to be solved and accomplished.

Maybe it is because I am not married and I can’t fully understand the pride cycle within a marriage, but I really do not understand how some people would think it is a good idea to treat a spouse that way. I think that if there is pride in a marriage, then the marriage needs a lot of work. In my opinion, marriage is a lot of hard work, but it takes both couples putting their complete effort into the relationship. Marriage is not a 50/50 thing. Each couple needs to be putting 100% in each. I believe that as they do this, they will become more humble diminishing pride. The more humble they become, the closer they will be drawn together, therefore drawing closer to the Lord. I think that one of the best ways couples can do that is by putting their spouses needs before their home. Being selfless, in my opinion has helped me become humble and I think is a great way to get out of the pride cycle. Marriage is about love and nurturing your spouse. I believe that if pride becomes present, it can destroy the happiness that once was their which could take a lot to get back. I think if couples make sure that the Lord is present and that they are able to have that Christ-like love and throw away the worldly views that it can be a successful marriage.

My all-time favorite scripture is Matthew 11:28-30. I have found a lot of solace and peace when I use it in my life. I have enjoyed the comfort that it brings and how I am able to use it in my life whenever I am stressed. I have learned that through the Lord anything is possible and he is there for us to lift us up when we are down. I believe that the Lord desires us to go to him. He wants us to use his atonement to take away our burdens. That is why he suffered for us. He loves us so much that he died for us so that he can be happy and be forgiven for our sins. Life is really hard, but I have found that if I use the Saviors atonement, that life is a lot easier and worth living!

I believe that scripture fits in really well with the idea of consecrating a marriage as well because it teaches us that we can turn to the Lord to take away our sins and sorrows, but we can also turn to our spouse. One thing that I believe strongly is that our spouse needs to become our greatest friend and the one that we turn to when we need to be strengthened. I believe that in order to make a marriage sacred and consecrated the Lord needs to be present. I strongly believe that the closer the couple draw near to one another, the closer they get to the Lord. That is why I love the idea of a couple giving 100% instead of 50%. If each couple is providing 100% effort into the relationship, they are becoming of one heart and one mind, which is what Zion is. I believe that every married couple can experience Zion in their home if they strive to draw closer to the Lord while at the same time, drawing closer to one another. If they do that, they are no longer two separate individuals living separate lives, but they are one, experiencing life together.

As many people who know me, know that I believe in sex only within the bonds of matrimony. I believe that it is something that is so very sacred that should only be shared with your spouse. It is such a special part of who you are that you could not just give that to just anyone because once you give it away once, it isn't something that you can give away again. I recently learned an amazing analogy that you can compare sex to...
Imagine its your wedding day and you notice this beautifully wrapped package that just seems perfect! Would you go and rip it open all by yourself or would you include your new spouse and do it delicately? I would much prefer the second. It is something that doesn't need to be wild, especially when you are first getting used to one another. I believe that it is okay to get used to one another's  bodies and take your time. This is also especially important because men and women need to remember that they work at different rates. For men, they get satisfied a lot faster than women so this could cause issues, but if the couples are aware of one another and are respectful of their spouse, I think that they can make their sexual intimacy a wonderful thing. 

"Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage, goes together like a horse and carriage"

"Mawaig, Mawaig is vvhat bwings us together this day"... Okay enough with the quotes! This week has been interesting to me because I have been finalizing the details on my wedding that is happening in two months! But something that I have been discussing with classmates and friends is the wedding is more of a cultural celebration. Yes, I am looking forward to it, but I think that I am a lot more excited for the marriage than I am the wedding. To me, a marriage is much more symbolic and means more. It is something that lasts a lifetime! I am committing my heart to anothers and vowing to be faithful and true and to love him unconditionally. Our hearts are going to become connected and we will no longer be living two but living as one. I believe that when you get married there is no yours and mine, but ours. I think if you take on possessions, it can lead down a dangerous path and it is healthier to share things.

Understanding Same Sex Attraction

What is the difference between gender and sex?

Gender: refers to people as social creatures
Sex: refers to our biological make up

The question that has been up for question for the past years is should same-sex marriage be legalized? Gays and Lesbians have been fighting for years to be able to have the right to marry the same gender and spend their lives together. There are Pro's and Con's to each side. For one, it allows equal rights between both male and females and it makes it possible for them to express how they feel and feel accepted by sociecty. On the other hand though, it deprives children of being born into a home with both a mother and a father.

I am by no means homophobic in anyway, but I do believe that Children need to be raised with both a mother and a father because there are just certain things that only a father can provide and things that a mother can provide. For example, woman are naturally more nurturing. While men are better at problem solving. Mothers typically impact the way a child is raised into their adulthood whereas fathers are able to provide and give the feeling of protection. They give a feeling of securtiy for the family.

Altogther, families are all different, they are diverse, but that is what makes them unique!

Diversity

So what is one of the biggest ways that separates people from each other? Class. What is class you ask? Well class: it is "the system of ordering a society in which people are divided into sets based on perceived social or economic status. It is also defined as, a set or category of things having some property or attribute in common and differentiated from others by kind, type, or quality" So Why does everyone feel like they need to be separated by class and only be with there class instead of mixing with one another? Because most people are uncomfortable from what is different than them and that is what creates diversity in this world. The world is filled with so many different people that come from different backgrounds and cultures and it is up to us to allow them to live their life and not judge others.

I was recently asked the question "Are all cultures equally valid?" I would say that yes they are. Who am I to judge what they believe in and what they have built their foundation on? I would be upset if someone were to judge me based on what I believe, so I cannot turn around and judge them based on their culture. I think one of the important things to remember about the world we live in is that we are diverse and that is what makes this world a beautiful place to live in. I think that if we were all the same, we would become like robots and we could never increase our knowledge because everyone would know the same things. Being culturally diverse isn't a bad thing. It is what makes it unique, it provides people with learning experiences on a daily basis. 

Family Stress Theories

This week made me think a lot about stress and the importance of managing it well. I have also learned that there are different forms of stress and how it needs to be handled. I believe that stress often sends people down a not so pretty path if left untended.

I always assumed that stress was always a bad thing, but I think it can help us grow and improve on our own personal lives. I have seen this in my own life where at the time, I didn’t see the stress as a blessing, but as I look back now, I see it as a way that I improved my own life and the stress made me a stronger person. My first semester of college was in January 2013, and I was miserable. It was my first time ever really being away from home and I was homesick. Especially because home was over 2,000 miles away! I can’t even remember how many times I would call my parents up crying begging them to let me come home! They would have let me too. But one thing about myself is my extraordinary determination to accomplish hard things. That first semester was my hardest because I can’t remember a day that entire semester that I didn’t have a panic attack about being homesick. But I kept pushing through and I made it, and I was happy that I decided to stay because that semester, although at the time was extremely stressful and there was no way I can see anything good coming from it, it made me stronger. It taught me how to care for myself and how to me independent. So all I am trying to say is that I am grateful that I had that stressful time in my life. When I look back, I am happy that I went through it because I see where I was and where I am now and I am a completely different person.

I think the major thing that helps me most now when I am stressed or anxious is just breathing and thinking positively. I often do this while taking a walk. Or I even just take a nap. All those things tend to help, and I start to come back to reality and things don’t bother me as much as they did before. I start to think rationally and most of the time what I originally thought and was anxious about really wasn’t that big of a deal. I have noticed that when I am stressed, it tends to put a stressor on the relationships that I hold dearly to me and it often gets hard for us to be close. So, I try hard to be positive and think happy thoughts and avoid jumping to conclusions because that tends to be the reason people I love get frustrated with me. That helps a lot. It’s amazing what a simple attitude change can do to change the way you go about life!

Learning more about coping with stress has made me determined to make changes in my own life. It has made me appreciate life as it is handed to me and not take anything for granted. I believe by having this simple attitude adjustment I can avoid a lot of hardships that could come my way.

Thoughts about Divorce

This week I have been studying a lot about divorce. Divorce is not a very easy subject to read or learn about. I personally, have not directly felt the effects that come with divorce. However, I have learned that I am a rather empathetic person so I am able to put myself in the shoes of those people who have dealt with the grieving of divorce. I feel that I would be able to provide comfort, especially children, for those who are affected by divorce.

I have recently learned about a school that is especially for children who are going through their parents’ divorce that provides them with comfort to get through the heartache that comes with their parent’s separation. The school is an outlet for the children to express their feelings towards the situation through music, writing, art, theater, and books. It is a place where children that feel the same way they do can go to escape and know that they have a support system of children just like them. I found this school very fascinating because this is exactly what I believe children need. They need a place where they can be understood. The teachers at the school teach children positive ways to cope, and to reassure them that their parents’ divorce is not the child’s fault.  

I was especially surprised to discover that divorce rates are actually going down, after being the highest they ever have been in 1980. However, there are reasons as to why that is true. Since the 1980’s, cohabitation rates have gone up. Adults no longer find it necessary to get married, just live together, which is why divorce is going down. So really, that isn’t much better, because it’s like a double-edged sword. Yes, I am biased, but the facts are that the best possible lifestyle for children comes from a two-parent home.

Children that are blessed to have a two parent home are less likely to encounter issues. These children are able to grow up in stable homes and their standards for living are increased as well. On the other hand, those children who come from divorced families tend to have weak relationships with all those they encounter because their example, of their parents is not one to look up to.

Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorm of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, has advised that “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” Perfection, is not a reachable goal, marrying the perfect guy or perfect woman is not going to happen, but what is possible is to become that perfect person for the person you want to spend your life with. I believe that if you want something to last forever you treat it differently.

I am engaged, and obviously, I want my marriage to last forever so I am going to treat it differently. I am going to become the perfect woman for Phil and I am going to put in 110% every day. Of course, trials will come, but I believe by being selfless and putting him first, many trials can be avoided!

The World is Constantly Changing...

The world is constantly changing and increasing in size. Benjamin Franklin said that every 20 years the world's population will double. His predictions are true so far. In 1970, the population was at 3.68 Billion, just last year, the worlds population was at 7 Billiion. By 2050, it is predicted that the population will be at 9 Billion. Out of all those people in the world, you may be surprised to discover that the marriage rate is decreasing. People are finding it less and less important to get married these days, and our world will suffer becasue of it. Since the 1980's, the divorce rates have been going down. That's good-right? Well, it would be if people were actually getting married! But they are not. Cohabitation is going up and children are now being born into families with unmarried parents. Marriage is no longer seen as an important event in many peoples lives anymore. What happened to the values of marriage people?!? Marriage used to be seen as something that was worthy and desireable and now it is seen more that can be disregarded.

There is science behind why people should get married! Ultimetley, it brings people a sense of happiness and completeness. Overall, married couples report that any problems in depresssion, addictions, criminalism, and finances are brought down to a much lower level than those who do not marry. Many people report that being married and having someone to stand by you through life and expierence life together, is the ultimate goal. Having someone to be there through the up's and down's is better than going through them alone.

Marriage is so important! This is my personal opinion, but it is also my blog so I feel that I can share that. Children deserve to have married parents. They deserve all the happiness in the world. I believe that many would agree that having children with married parents will bring more happiness than children of parents who are not married.

Hello! My name is Elyse

Hello! My name is Elyse Puida, I am currently a student at BYU-Idaho and I am studying Child Development with an emphasis in Family Studies. I love my major! My hope is to be a school guidance counselor. I am so fascinated by the family and how it is changing and evolving every day. I want to be able to be involved in helping families become closer to one another and making their relationships with each other better. I believe that families are of the most important relationships that any human will encounter in this life so it is important for the families to be strong and developed well. I believe that as a future counselor, there is much for me to learn about how to appropriately help them. My goal is to study family relations and how different aspects can affect them. I will post my findings here so that I can frequently look back on what I have learned and see my progress and improvements of the information I have gathered. My hope is also to be able to educate others and shed some light on how strong and healthy relationships is vital. 
I hope that by creating this blog, I am not bias. Being bias is the last trait a good counselor could have. I believe that it is important to have an understanding heart and to also be empathetic and try to understand what others are going through. So as I research and learn about different styles of family, my goal is to post entries that will not offend my readers. I know that I will have opinions, and I will want to share them from time to time, but I will not let that get in the way of my over all goals of reaching to many people.